|You cannot change another person--and you must not
even try. It is a violation of their rights, their integrity, their free will for you to
interfere with their chosen path. And make no mistake, each path is freely chosen, even
though you claim and wail loudly that it is not so!
must you attempt to change yourself to be more attractive
to another--to win anothers love, affection or attention. Most people attempt both
of these two things at some time. And the results are incredibly painful. Still, they try.
You are taught, before you are even aware of yourself, that you
can only survive if someone else takes care of you. This is the Truth of infancy. A baby
who does not cry will not get changed. One who is sick and does not squall, will not get
attention. One who is hungry and is silent, may not get fed. So, manipulating others is
necessary for baby's survival. The message the baby learns is this: "I need something
outside of myself to survive, and I must manipulate the world to get it."
When you were a little older, your parents or caretakers, perhaps
undernourished in spirit themselves, may have used this once-true belief to hurt you,
manipulate you, or control you. They may have fostered the idea that you have to
"earn" their love--and that your survival depends upon it! This is a cruel, but
very widespread Lie--many people believe it, both adults and children. Even well-meaning
parents may teach their children the Big Lie--"your worth--perhaps even your
survival-- depends on pleasing me. If you are not good enough, I will not love you, feed
you, clothe you. I have what you need to survive, but I may decide not to give it to
This is a very powerful, destructive message, and deeply
embedded. You learn to believe that you cannot survive without something outside yourself
and that you must somehow manipulate others to get it. "I cannot live without you. If
only I am good enough . . . if only I give enough . . . if only I can please you enough,
you will give me what I need to survive and I will be OK."
The lure of the game is very powerful, overwhelmingly powerful at
times, for it is deeply embedded in the unconscious mind--in the ego-mind.
But, nevertheless, it is a Lie, and a huge one,
because what you need is MY LOVE. And My Love IS NOT EARNED. Furthermore, it does not come
from without, but from within. And it is always
there, waiting for you to call upon it, to listen to it. To